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Your adornment must not be merely external . . .but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

“I want to help God change my husband.” OK—you may never have said that, but I’m sure you’ve thought it. Or at least the “change” and “husband” part. (Men, don’t leave me alone in this discussion—stay with me. There’s stuff here for you too.)

I can tell you how to change your husband. No kidding—it’s a tried and true formula which starts with this question—has God changed you?

The fact is, changed women help God change husbands. They really do—it’s right in His Word. What we have in 1 Peter 3:1-3 is three descriptions of the changed woman and how they are powerful instruments for change in a husband’s life. I’ll run through the text; see if you see them there.

The changed woman is submissive to her husband.
First Peter 3:1, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husband.” The Greek word there, hupotassõ , means literally “to place under.” Submission is never forced. It is a choice that a wife makes to willingly place herself under his authority. This idea of submission is simply that someone has to lead. God Almighty Himself is the Leader of the Universe. Elders are the leaders of the church. Husbands are the leaders of the home. Submission has nothing to do with equality. Men and women are equal under God in every way. Submission has nothing to do with worth. It has to do with choice.

The changed woman is chaste in her conduct.
First Peter 3:2 says that the husband is going to be “impacted when he observes your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” The word conduct means behavior or actions. The word chaste means holy or righteous. Some translations say pure . Ladies, it is what you do in the kitchen, the car, the backyard, and in the bedroom—every activity in every place. Godly responses to conflict. Pure in her dress. Pure in her language. Pure in her choices of entertainment. Righteous decisions regarding finances. Not self-righteous. Not judgmental. Just pure. The pure woman is a powerful tool for change in the life of her husband.

The changed woman has a gentle spirit, says 1 Peter 3:3. A gentle attitude is considerate, unassuming, not pushy or demanding, not unnecessarily rigorous. The opposite of gentle spirit would be combative. Loud-mouthed. Freely speaking her mind. Blunt in word or action. We all know from experience and from observation, there is the wife that stirs the pot and there is the wife that stills the storm.

“But God didn’t make me like that.” Like your husband, you need to be changed. God is not trying to give you a different personality. He loves the one that He gave you, but godliness can be expressed through that personality. These three characteristics Peter describes in women, i.e., submissive, pure, and a gentle spirit can be powerful tools in God’s hand to change your husband.

The changed woman has inner beauty.
These characteristics can be summarized as “inner beauty.” We all know that outward beauty fades; but inward beauty, the beauty of the hidden person, can flourish with time. If I was a lady, I would love that. That means that within every lady reading this e-devotional there is the person that you see and there is the person that no one can see. It’s called the hidden person. Is your hidden person pretty? If your inner person is, she is a powerful tool in God’s hands to change her husband. Every time you allow God to build your character He is making a powerful impact upon your life first and then upon your husband’s.

Do you want to change your husband by faith? Lovingly, I exhort you to do the thing that God has asked you to do and trust God to do the part that only He can do. God is trying to change your husband and you are either helping Him or you’re in the way. Which is it?