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“ Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7

You’re going to find this hard, men. The number one complaint of women as it relates to their husbands is “Why won’t he open up to me?”

The topic on the table today is “How to Change Your Wife by Faith.” Since we discussed the flipside, “How to Change Your Husband by Faith” a few days ago, the emails and phone calls haven’t quit coming in to our office asking when I was going to talk to the men.

So, speaking for all men, if I want to change my wife, the transformation must begin in my own heart. If my patterns of relationship remain the same, it’s futile to think my wife will ever change. If we’re going to have a great relationship, I’m going to have to open myself up to her, disclose myself to her, share myself with her—do life together.

First Peter 3:7 says that you and your wife are “heirs together of the grace of life.” The grace of life is all the goodness God pours into your life. That is everything from the excitement of the honeymoon, to your children, to your children’s children, to the daily, unplanned, joyful moments of married life. God’s design is that you would share life together. Together is the operative word.

I’m not an expert on many things, but while doing my doctoral thesis, I read over 15 thousand pages on the often-documented fact that men do not disclose themselves normally to their wives. The relational fallout is incredible.

Togetherness Requires Disclosure
Think of your wife. The only way she can get to know you is if you tell her about yourself. Living in the same house and watching you come and go doesn’t qualify. She has to be able to understand what you are feeling and experiencing or she can’t know you.

The process of making oneself known is called self-disclosure. You may speculate about a person by observing him, but you will not truly know someone as he is without him choosing to reveal himself to you. If people are books, then some people let themselves be read from cover to cover while others reveal only their title page.

Many women know the pain of living with a husband who is a closed book. Listen men, her questions regarding how you feel about something may seem ridiculous to you, but she is right and you are wrong. You cannot know a person without disclosure.

It Takes Two
A relationship takes two people. Individuals are only willing to disclose with others who are willing to reciprocate. While individuals may make themselves vulnerable as an investment in the relationship, they will quickly pull back if they sense that they have given something that they will not in turn receive.

Do you get it? Your wife may open up and disclose herself for a while, but if she is not finding out information equivalent to what she is giving, she will stop making herself known to you. That is how couples grow apart. In a sentence: If you want a hot, happening marriage then open up and make yourself known.

God as Our Model
Because God wants us to know Him, He made Himself known to us. John 1:1 says, “ In the beginning was the Word [Jesus], and the Word was with us, and He was God.” Verse 14 says, “ The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory .” God disclosed Himself to us through His Son Jesus Christ so that we could know Him and have a relationship with Him.

Follow God’s model for relationships. If you want to change your wife by faith, then begin by making yourself known to her. Share your life together as joint heirs to the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7).